Selene. 19. Finland. Rock n roll, cats, movies n tv plus my wonderful sense of humor. Enjoy yourselves xoxo

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I just want to see northern lights.

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little gray cat theme song BY 403,853 plays


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 estranged;  axl rose;  
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"You don’t always need a plan. Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go, and see what happens."

—Mandy Hale (via purplebuddhaproject)
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i will literally try to pet any cat i can don’t doubt me

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 ville valo;  

i just watched notting hill alone and that made me feel a little sad

see the thing is that i haven’t ever liked it when people tell everything about their lives publicly but now i just feel like doing that so

i’ve calmed down a bit. it was…was it like one week ago when i woke up somewhere i shouldn’t have with someone i shouldn’t have and didn’t even know. my mind had a black hole when i tried to remember what exactly had happened and when i quickly and quietly had taken a shower and dressed up, i left that place i just stopped to cry for a moment. and then walked home (at least i was in my town.)

then i talked with my mom and she understood me. i seriously have the best mother in the whole world. i told her about my depression, eating disorders, dates, self-hate, post-traumatic stress about my ex hitting me, my confused feelings and emotions, my drinking, one night stands, how i was about to jump off a bridge…everything. and she understood me and i love her for that even more

and then i decided to get a grip. i have just been working like a fool. 6 days a week, 10 hour shifts etc. i haven’t been out for a week. my boss asked me to work on both saturday and sunday and i’m seriously considering that

then there’s this guy i’m really into, but he always has work when i have free time and free time when i’m working and it sucks cause it takes more than an hour from my place to go to his, so it’s always hard to find an opportunity to see him. and it sucks cause i really have feelings for him but the circumstances suck so bad

and then there’s this pianist guy i told you about and he’s really sweet and we’ve been talking alot but now he’s staying in finland only til thursday and he asked me to see him last week but i was working surprise surprise so i couldn’t plus i had my periods so we couldn’t have had sex ugh and that wouldn’t have been nice cause he was good. but he’s coming back to finland like in a month and that’s not nice cause i’ve started liking him a bit

then on thursday i’m supposed to meet this one guy who looks fucking good like seriously wow but i have a problem which is that i already slept with a good friend of his and i don’t think he knows about it and that’s bothering me alot. well only a bit but still

and then i’ve felt very uncomfortable since sunday cause my ex texted me then how he is missing me and that just made me feel sad cause i’m on that phase of the process of breaking up that i’ve let things go and would just like to be friends and forget the bitterness but it seems that he hasn’t let things go so that made me feel uncomfortable

and i hate that i should call my doc so i could finally get a therapist but i just can’t do that like there’s that time in the morning you have to call there and i’m always at work then so i forget it and then i just am a bit afraid to do that

and everything just seems pretty pointless now. i don’t know. i feel like drinking more than ever right now but that’s not a good idea. maybe at weekend if i’m not working both on saturday and sunday…

you see i’m complaining here cause i feel like i’ve lost everything, well actually not, i have got so much closer with many friends of mine and that’s great but still there’s a huge loss in my life cause i really lost all the three people from my life i talked about everything to, in one month. and i feel like it was a right thing to do cause i’m moving forward but still there are moments i feel like i just want to grab my phone and send a crocodile emoji to maty

and this whole textpost is complete shit and i make myself look like a total attention whore but wow i just needed to let things out though i’m actually doing it all the time


i just feel that my life is pretty pointless, that’s what i’m trying to say. i feel like i’m not doing anything. i can’t decide who i want to date. i don’t know about my feelings. i wanna move out but i don’t know if i have this job in january anymore, cause my current contract lasts till christmas and my boss just said that let’s see about the next year then. so what’s the point in moving out if i don’t have a job next year…

i hate myself. i love the fact that i’m making money pretty well and i’m in a good physical condition (like wow my muscles have grown so much and i’m trying to quit smoking and still eating healthy) but i hate my life cause it’s just so pointless i have no interest in anything anymore and i just am so tired cause i don’t get almost any sleep and i have to wake up around 6am every morning and i’m just so exhausted when i get home and i just would love to take a nap but i don’t get that opportunity to relax here

i’m not even sure what i’m talking about anymore i just want to sleep a year and get some point some fucking meaning in something

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